pitching dreams

one cold bed,
empty coat hangers:
aftermath of
a passionate whatever.

we never put a name to it,
that thing we used to have going,
now it's 4 am and
it's all undone.

baby, step back on
these deserted street,
the leaves on the trees
lost their groove
and we miss you terribly.

there are many colors
around you,
each one tugging at my soul.

i could never figure you out
probably that's the best reason why
i don't tire watching you.

red, fuschia and orange - laughter,
blue, torquoise and green - serene.

how it sucks when you go all-lavender,
sullen and silent:
i wonder what you are thinking,
what went wrong?

i hope it wasn't me,
i'll find it hard to sleep.
 

 walking aimlessly
in a city that treats
sleep as sin,
while my lone heart
is fading.

houses are closed
for the orphans
and widows are
wary of strangers
but here i am envious
for they remain one
with their souls.

pity the man who
doesn't know how to weep
who sees troubles around
that he does not understand.

humans are made to be humans,
never a pillar of stone;
men should be amongst other men,
not to battle alone.

woe to me who hoped
for better days -
one who longs for the glory of men -

where are you, spirit;
where are you, soul;
Hero, when will you shine forth?

C,

There are thousands of questions it seems that i'd like to ask you.  
You are there and I am here, still it feels like we're together.  
I can't get over seeing you again: your smile, your eyes and hearing your voice.

I must admit I was scared to meet you, knowing that I'm this way about you.  
I feel so insecure.  
Do you think of me the same, or is there a somebody else?

I wanted to run away from you and yet I want to go where you go.  
I want to hear you speak and yet I long for you to tell me stories after stories.

I want to fill you in about my life, yet I'm afraid you'd say i don't fit into yours.

I want to dazzle you with a smile but I also want to lose my guard and weep.

One look from you and i'm undone - overwrought with emotions.
Such is your secret that I'm left in awe.

You said "So long," as I knew you would, and I hastened my steps so that as we part ways, I could turn to look back at you and watch as you go.

Will I see you again?

I hope I would.

M. 

the more i get to  live
the more i want to dream, 
it's like a new world opened
and my sprit just woke up.

beauty springs in my chest
and i'm taken off-guard
never suspecting that she's there 
all along just waiting to unveil herself.

i long to be with her
get lost in unknown places
find them out together 
try out every avenue 
see where each one leads to.

for once i know what i want
and i'm not letting go
no matter what happens
i'l take heart and press on.

As i look on all these things around me
I long to make a way
I long to be a difference
somehow in a little way.

But looking at myself
my hands hang limp
for who I am is all I am
and that just don't make the cut.

Giants walk on this place
And lies crush the fight within me
that i need some good reminding
of the girl You know i could be
if I only believe. 

So You come into the picture
and You urge me to look at You
And my passions You put in line.

You're all I have to call onto
for You have able hands
You're all I have to look up to
and everything's changed - better. 

I don't need to be a hero, no
You free me of things
I couldn't and shouldn't be
You take me and 
let me be me.


  

i woke up to cold sweat
breaking out of every pore,
my mind's a whirl of visions
and my heart pounds away
without shame.

a child covered with
a blanket of red,
made me think of blood -
made me scared for his life.

there was no one there
but a Phantom of sinister
One thirsty for joy,
One whose hopes have fallen.

I urged him to hide
told him to be silent
but the kid just looked at me,
he just looked at me.

i was not someone he should fear
he should do as i say,
yet he didn't
though i know he could hear me.

i woke up to cold sweats
and shook my head clear of nightmares
but the feel of desperation remained
sending chills on my back.

i looked at the mirror
assured of the face reflected,
until i closed my eyes
and a voice seemed to whisper -
"you are but a child"

 

Come and bow down before 
the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords!
He has risen to lead us into
a joyous celebration of
God being proclaimed to all the people,
a wonderful day of raising God and
beholding His glory.

Praises be to the God of all men
Praises be to His Son, Jesus on high with Him
Praises be to the Holy Spirit, One who qualifies-
Oh, Father, Son and Comfort, one!

I awaken to joy
remembering how God has led me
into the place of promise -
Oh, the wonder ways of my God 
Who has brought me to the right people

He has called them from all directions
And He walked with me there to meet them.
He was there whem we talked
He was there when we shook hands 
and were as one :

Proclaming God's glory and
For Jesus' deeds be known
from place to place.

Telling about Him to every boy and girl,
let him be honored rightly by those
who are next in row.

How great is my God,
How faithful
Indeed we can all run to Him
to the arms that hold us together
to the power who gives us strength.

In my lips, may there be praises evermore,
He has shone me the way,
thought there are enemies out to thwart me
He has taken care of them all.

He lifted my weary head
and renewed my tireed limbs-
Now He urges me not to lose any second
for He's taking me to a place I should be.

God has seen me through
He supplied my every need.
He blesses me so I'll not be wanting
not food, not shelter or covering.

He carries me and cares for me
Oh, the wonder of it all:
For a God so big to show His love
Persisitently, Consistently to one
just like me.

So continue to be patient,
God's children.
Fear not and persevere 
For our God is faithful,
He will save and supply
and He never fails.

 a meteor fell in time
with a great grey tear,
and I raised a hand, a fist
to the One who sees it all.

just when the booming voice of WHY
reached its deafening PEAK,
cynicism crept in to put a balm
over my punctured wound.

numb, my eyes strayed once more
to the scene that caused me
much sorrow:

her lips - mysterious
like those of Mona Lisa,
her face looked serene
like one who sleeps.

thoughts straying
to that time in the rain,
the cold making her shiver,
her smile warming me
all the while.

she's so beautiful.
have i ever told her that?

what i would give to remember,
what i would give for time.

i will miss her.

life has its own timetable and
loss visits everyone he pleases.

i reached down to take
her hand in mine
though i know i had to
let go sometime.

i miss her already and
i know i'll be inconsolable.
for this is a thing
even a kiss can't contest.

 

thirty-four degrees,
burning, but cold.

(he said:)

i need,
i want,
i miss...

deep, soothing words from sleek lips
used to cunning devices:
a wolf set on its prey.

proceed to flood me with
visions of him around me
like the rings to Saturn.

i took it with me to bed,
expecting i had it to wake up to,
like a beloved teddy bear.

such tall tales from
a master rapper -
big words that mean nothing,
a castle made of sand.

(he lied).
 

in the midst of my beginnings
the faltering steps towards
discovering myself:

how far can i stand under
the heat of the sun?
how long can i stretch
my creativity?
how potent is the call
of my emerging beauty?

i hunch my shoulders
and turn my back, resolute.

i won't give an ear to
doubts and anxiety -
i won't let my fallen nature win.

i'll let You in,
i'll let You chase me
I'll Let You conquer me
I'll let You in.

For only You can mold me
to the woman I'd soon become.

Gather me into Your arms
and liken me to daises wild -
only You can tame me
and transform my fallen parts.

forever's an awfully long time
to be clinging to guilt
of separating someone
from whom you know
she belongs to.

forever's awfully long
to be harboring grief
over the things you
could have done
in the place of what is.

forever's awfully long
to be cherishing bitterness
over the time that had passed
of tossing and turning
without her, alone in bed.

forever's awfully long
to be holding on to
deeds and words that are
owned by another life,
another you.

forever's an awfully long time
to be supressing truth-
that time is ripe to letting go
of alL the could have beens,
every what and every who.

people unseeing,
passing each other by,
indifferent.

beauty is scorned,
individuality discredited and
conformity applauded.

funny, i thought i've worked
my way through it
only to find myself
smack right in the face with it.

i walked into adulthoood
expecting to see men and women
but truth is, it's highschool
twenty-four seven,
all over again.

pick a card within
the decks of my mind,
careful lest you fall
hook, line and sinker
for the tricks i have
under my sleeve.

like the seasons that change,
i, too uncover my intricacies
layer by layer, gently
taking time.

so don't be much surprised
if you think you know
what i'm all about
only to find later that
you have more questions than answers.

open your mind, dearest
as you step in time with me,
will not to capture me
but never fear to be embraced.

i'll leave behind all
the secret games i play
and deal you the hand of truth
only promise you'll not fumble,
and promise you'll not delay.

fear lends shadow
on my slothful faith,
still i refuse to give in,
for i made a pact within
to call to mind the truth:
my will is stronger than
any spell cast by emotion.
i try to deny what's eating me
and waves of sorrow threaten to fall.
alas, this is the fate
of mere men like me -
to admit to self one's frailty
and then to struggle
to rise above it all.
 
note:  i'm feeling grumpy today and i was trying to write "the reason" why, and the piece above is what came out of it.

empty glass, withered flowers
spitting-image of her love and mine,
once in synch, now unrhymed.

will it always be like this,
one step forward, two steps back?

will you always misunderstand
and will i never hear you respond?

i wish i was the type
who reins in his heart,
and i wish you would
let me see more of you.

the bridges of our lives, singed -
but the embers of what i feel remains.

 

 the shards of the broken
jar mimics the disarray
of my heart.

never thought it possible
to be found and to fall,
like an animal at the mercy of
the one who unhinged its bars.

it's staggering
how you mastered me and
try as i might to keep
you with me,
you don't belong to me.

 here's to the weary
one left high and dry
here's to the circumstances,
things, and people
that passed you by.

come out from
where you're at
shake off the things
that presses you down.

But you say:

"there's nothing but the rain
and my cold, numbe feet
here in my room,
there's nothing but the rain
with me".

time is running out
there's no room for indecision
leave your reservations
and come away now with me.

Don't say:

"there is nothing but the rain
and your cold, numb feet."
here in your room
you have me.

which way have i turned to,
good or bad?

time has a way of calming us
or sending us into panic mode.
i know i't s been a long time
since we had a talk.

do you want to
bind me up and stop a perceived
evil from prevailing?

i want to be patient
and even penitent, but i can't,
i have no regrets.

i looked for dreams in far off places
walk on grassy, sandy,
even wayward roads.
and i've known what it is
to be wanting and pained.

but i'd rather struggle
and feel blood in my veins
than to be bored.

which way have i turned to,
good or bad -
is beside the point.

i've wandered restless
and found life.
i was gone but I came back.

 

 the world gifted me a wide berth
though contrary to it's aim
for it has been the essence
of my undoing.

vast as the space maybe
my hands and feet are useless.

the walls around me though unmarked
suffocated and squeezed tightly
till all life fled.

finished, they cover me
but i remain naked.